Monday, April 19, 2010
TEA PARTIERS UNMASKED AS THE EVILDOERS THEY ARE!
I am a confirmed tea party guy. My last descent into the seventh ring of hell that are the tea parties, this past April 13th was a revelation to me. I finally began to get a glimpse into the criticism of my friends on the left. In my duties as a volunteer I came into contact with many mainstream Americans. Due to my ability to read their minds, a gift I've possessed since birth, I was able to discern their true intentions.
I met attorneys, doctors, teachers, college professors, grandparents, lots and lots of military veterans, families with children, musicians, and not a few members of the clergy. But something kept gnawing at me as I listened to speech after speech from small business owners, housewives, a college professor, a couple of PhDs, and a couple of attorneys who spoke of their worry over the profligate spending by congress, their preference for small government, in favor of a strict interpretation of the constitution and their worry about the deficit. I listened to some country music which I enjoy immensely. But still, I couldn't shake the feeling that something was amiss. Having been a police officer for 26 years, my vaunted sixth sense was tingling.
Finally, it hit me, this was all a sham. All of this was fake. These people were really a bunch of racists, homophobes, misogynists, and militia members bent on the overthrow of the federal government. They had cleverly disguised themselves as regular friendly, polite Americans, some very educated, just to throw off everyone. But, you see, I'm too smart for that. I've been around the block one too many times to fall that for that stuff.
I'm just embarrassed that my friends on the left were quicker than me in picking up on this. I was fooled by their underhanded, evil ways that have fooled so many of us. The KGB were rookies compared to these people. I'm convinced there's some underground headquarters somewhere that they hold their racist, homophobe, ceremonies including I'm sure, the frequent human sacrifices of innocent immigrant virgins to whatever unholy deity they worship. Rumor has it it looks like a cross between Glenn Beck and Rush and Sarah Palin is the high priestess in charge of the whole sick affair.
I only wish I had listened to my friends on the left. Perhaps the government needs to be bigger so they make sure we all don't fall for anymore of these evil Rush/Beck minions. After all, someone has to protect us. Please take my warning and bow to the superior intelligence of the left. Big government protect us. Please!
Regular Americans, my ass. This is the seventh ring of hell!!