CONTEMPLATION

I have struggled for the past three weeks. My family has too. I want to say I'm ready to roll, but that's not the truth. We have all been thrown for a loop. I recently went on vacation to see my wife's family. We have become intensely aware of the fragility of our lives. It was a good visit and I enjoyed seeing her parents, both in their 80s. God bless them.

Not a day passes that I don't think of my dad. At the strangest times I'll think of something he said and I'll miss him. I think, with time, I'll be able to cope better, but right now, its tough.

I've thought a lot lately about what we leave behind. I watched one of my favorite movies tonight "Mr. Holland's Opus." It's about a teacher who contemplates what his professional life has meant to his students. He is a music teacher and he is let go as a result of budget cuts. For all of us, especially teachers, we have contemplated what we have really accomplished during our professional lives. I hope we have all touched as many lives as Holland did in the movie.

This is where I am right now. I know it must get boring to hear me write about my dad, but he is such a profound influence on my life. I included this song because it is my daughter's favorite Beatles' song and it carries a message to her. She has MS. This song is big to her. "Nothing's going to change my life."

She's tougher than me. If nothing's going to change her life, nothing's going to change mine either.

I remember a conversation I had years ago with a friend of mine on the police department. He said, "I haven't suffered any major setbacks in my life yet and it scares the hell out of me." I thought of that statement a lot lately. Now I say to myself, you have suffered some setbacks, now how are you going to handle it.?

I think God and my dad are watching.